Sunday, 26 August 2007

A crashed white wall

It is so often that I find myself in the same situation...well past midnight, sleep remains a distant thought and the night seems like an abyss of sheer emptiness. Somewhere, there's a lull...something lacks, but I can't pin-point what it is. Something remains missing, but I dont understand what it can be. The night carries on, hours, minutes and seconds pass..and yet, time has stopped and dropped into a vaccuum. There is nothing to hold on to, there's nothing to shove, there's nothing to trigger movement or change. Life, in this dismally late hour of the night, is playing hide and seek, but I don't know where to look, or what to seek...

As a dreamy eyed youngster, a foggy "future" was always being formed in my head. Even if it was the next moment, the next month, a fast-forward film always ran through the frame of my developing mind. As time passed, the fog grew thicker and thicker, till one day I realised, that it no longer remained a fog, but had transformed into a blank white was solid and tangible...yet when I put myself out to feel it, the touch went through nothingness... Still, a raging young mind is unstoppable and unleashed. The wall of future-planning kept growing taller and taller...brick-like thoughts were cemented on with gullible determination, plastered together with amibtious clay. The whiteness remained, the thickness increased....

....till one day...with a hammer taller than any wall, stronger than any cement and more solid than any brick, a blow on that white wall, that had seemed so untagible at my touch, and quicker than a pack of cards, the fog that had transformed into a wall, came crashing down. What had taken months and years of mental meticulous labour, rumbled down, each brick of whiteness crumbling into myriads of broken shards...and the whiteness, well as the wall came down, a new fog was formed around the rubble...a grey mist of floating darkness....and the white was stained forever...

I still reach out sometimes, hoping for that intangible, and now shattered, wall to magically appear and solidify in front my mind's eye again. But its gone. All i see now is grey emptiness, which by every night passing, add the blackness and vastness of the sky to the grey mist. It will never be thick again, because bricks do not form anymore. It will never be tall again, because it can't bear the weight of its own past, and is too fragile for its present. The future, remains somewhere in the darkness...


oakleyses said...

red bottom shoes, oakley vault, louis vuitton outlet, coach outlet, michael kors outlet online sale, longchamp outlet online, burberry outlet online, gucci handbags, cheap oakley sunglasses, nike air max, nike air max, louis vuitton handbags, true religion, jordan shoes, longchamp handbags, polo ralph lauren, tiffany jewelry, burberry outlet online, coach purses, michael kors outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, michael kors outlet, prada handbags, prada outlet, tiffany and co jewelry, michael kors outlet store, michael kors outlet online, chanel handbags, tory burch outlet online, kate spade outlet, louis vuitton, christian louboutin, louis vuitton outlet online, nike free, true religion outlet, christian louboutin shoes, michael kors handbags, coach outlet store online, polo ralph lauren outlet, christian louboutin outlet, nike outlet, oakley sunglasses, ray ban outlet, coach outlet, kate spade outlet online, longchamp outlet, ray ban sunglasses

oakleyses said...

scarpe hogan, sac michael kors, chaussure louboutin, hermes pas cher, nike free pas cher, nike air force, hollister, vans pas cher, oakley pas cher, louis vuitton uk, timberland, hollister, nike blazer pas cher, nike free, converse pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, longchamp, true religion outlet, lacoste pas cher, mulberry uk, air max pas cher, nike air max, north face pas cher, sac louis vuitton, ray ban uk, nike air max, ray ban pas cher, michael kors uk, lululemon outlet online, sac vanessa bruno, nike roshe, ralph lauren pas cher, louis vuitton, guess pas cher, barbour, burberry pas cher, north face, michael kors canada, longchamp pas cher, nike roshe run, louis vuitton pas cher, tn pas cher, ralph lauren, new balance pas cher, air max, true religion jeans, air jordan

oakleyses said...

mont blanc pens, canada goose outlet, celine handbags, north face jackets, soccer jerseys, giuseppe zanotti, hollister, asics shoes, wedding dresses, marc jacobs outlet, replica watches, ugg soldes, abercrombie and fitch, valentino shoes, ugg outlet, chi flat iron, soccer shoes, ferragamo shoes, north face jackets, mcm handbags, insanity workout, canada goose outlet, lululemon outlet, canada goose outlet, nike trainers, ugg outlet, vans outlet, herve leger, longchamp, nfl jerseys, jimmy choo shoes, instyler ionic styler, ghd, nike roshe, ugg boots, uggs outlet, new balance outlet, bottega veneta, ugg boots clearance, babyliss, mac cosmetics, beats headphones, reebok shoes, canada goose, uggs on sale, ugg, nike huarache, p90x workout, birkin bag

oakleyses said...

converse, moncler, vans, parajumpers outlet, juicy couture outlet, moncler, louboutin, ralph lauren, links of london uk, canada goose, hollister, supra shoes, iphone 6 case, moncler, hollister canada, canada goose, moncler outlet, swarovski jewelry, moncler, ugg, louis vuitton canada, ray ban, pandora charms, replica watches, gucci, air max, pandora uk, pandora jewelry, wedding dress, montre femme, hollister clothing, moncler, nike air max, swarovski uk, juicy couture outlet, converse shoes, lancel, baseball bats, karen millen, toms outlet, timberland shoes, thomas sabo uk, coach outlet, canada goose pas cher, moncler outlet, oakley, canada goose, uggs canada

Zheng junxai5 said...

coach outlet
toms shoes outlet online
kate spade outlet
nike roshe one
adidas outlet store
nfl jerseys
michael kors outlet clearance
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton outlet online
coach outlet
tory burch outlet online
louis vuitton outlet
ray ban outlet
hollister clearance
montblanc pen
hermes outlet
michael kors outlet clearance
adidas superstar trainers
polo ralph lauren
coach outlet store online
mont blanc pen
coach outlet
oakley outlet
air jordan 8
kate spade handbags
nike air max uk
coach outlet
lebron james shoes 13
christian louboutin sale
ralph lauren outlet
montblanc pens
air jordan femme
louis vuitton outlet stores
air jordan shoes
gucci outlet
adidas uk
adidas yeezy
oakley outlet
rolex watches
christian louboutin sale clearance

Mie Helal said...

Your site is very helpful