Monday 30 October 2006

Moments

Time has a strange way of speeding up or slowing down, at the most inappropriate junctures. One moment you're doing something...and the next, you look back, and find mere traces of that "something" etched somewhere in the remotest corner of memories. Moments, hours, days, years...just pass. An era goes by, and you look back, and realise...oh, time flies! In the fast paced speeding time-frame, which is only able to scoop up some random moments in its little time-kity, we are left with haphazard shards of reminisciences that stay hidden in some corner of our over-occupied minds.

If I look at my life in divisions of daily units, it seems rather devoid of much or any activity. What's the purpose of everything? What does it all lead to? Why do we go on and on following that same repetitive routine, which we become so used to that after a while, the meaning behind every little action is lost and forgetten. There always seems to be a rush, a haste...as if a time-bomb is attached to Life and its about to go off anytime, anywhere...without prior notice.
There are a million tasks to complete before that, so much to see, so much to achieve, so much to remember, so much to experience....a constant race against that imaginary time-bomb, a continuous battle against an invincible force of nature, which ticks away with every heartbeat, a second, a moment closer to when Time would run out...when the time-bomb would tick away its last breath and everything would end...

That's one way to look at it.
The other way, which I prefer for my own sanity, is that, Life is a cumulation of moments and gestures, which need to be meticulously and patiently collected and stored in the most secure parts of the heart and mind, from where they cannot escape, get lost or be forgotten. Moments are like little shiny glimmering pearls of time, which have a painful way of scattering if dropped in a hurry or not gathered with extreme care. Once dispersed, mustering up every little sparkly piece of pearly delight becomes increasinly difficult...as they roll out into the farthest darkest corner somewhere, where years later, at some point of rigourous mental cleaning out, they'd be found..sometimes as a surprise and sometimes as a disappointing reminder of a forgotten memory... While collecting these delicate moments of joy, I try not to overlook those countless millions miniscule winks of time which compose our daily seemingly dull routines. One smile here, one tear there, one look here, a laugh there....and voila! A stringed necklace of glittering pearls is ready...ready to be worn in the drifts of passing time...through the barriers of challenges...through the rivers of flowing past, present and approaching future. Moments are of all kinds...some bring a smile to your face, while others put you in an inexplicable yet ferociously stimulating rage. Some resurface accompanied by our most dreaded fears, while others remind us of times when our hearts were penetrated with utmost joy.
For moments to be precious, they need not be complex or particularly complicated in nature. The simplest of little jiffies can sometimes have more affect than the long durable experiences. A smile from a stranger, a greeting from a little child, a random peck on the forehead by the person you love, an unexpected pat on the back, a warm hug from a friend, a line of a song that touches the soul, a single tear out of joy after an achievement, a rose found next to the morning cup of coffee, an unheralded phone-call from an old close friend, an unanticipated apology for a mistake, an "Im thinking of you" card in the mailbox, a walk in the park holding hands with a beloved, an evening of calm chatter with a best friend, the endearing sound of a favourite song playing out of time and place, a feel of a reassuring touch on the hand in a moment of weakness, witnessing a kind gesture on the street, hearing a wise word that just hits the mark perfectly.......
....The list is endless....and Moments are forever...ever and ever...

Tuesday 10 October 2006

Homesickness

Everyone around us, has a home, a place to turn back to, a place that waits and welcomes them into an atmosphere where they can claim to belong to. We sometimes dont even realise how important belonging can be in our lives...we forget the worth of that place which embraces us after a day of encountering the harshest of the blows that outside world stores for us...

The definition of home differs with what different people percieve as A Home. To some, the material four walls of an appartment are enough to feel secure, while others find their true "home" where their family is, where the people they care about are. There are some, who find any place they can adjust to like their home, while there are others who find homes to be the place where they are happiest in. If I were to define a Home, I'd say its the place I want to go back to, a place which is my pillar, my support..a place where I feel like I belong..and place where I want to live forever...

Sometimes I go and tell my friends, "I'm Homesick", which really amuses them as they counter me by reminding me that I live with my parents, at home, how can I be missing my home? That, is a true example of the difference in perception of the word, the concept. To me, my Home is my country, from which I'm far far away. I live in a house in a foriegn land. The house is where I return to after each day's battle with the world, and its the house where I spend time with my family...but its not Home. Home is where I belong, and that's my country, my city...where I feel like I always want to be, where I feel secure, where I want to live forever.

There are times when I question this view of mine. What is it that pulls me back everytime? I lead a fairly good life here. Like any normal college going student, I do my share of studying, spending time with my friends, enjoy doing the things I love the most, have a good social circle, have a bunch of close friends I can always depend on, have my parents by my side...seems like a pretty full life! Then, what is it that makes my heart crave for my home? Its moments that I realise that no matter how hard I try, I dont fit here...My life is here, but my heart is still back there...back where it belongs. I live here, shuttlling between two worlds. Two worlds which are very different from each other, and two worlds which will never meet. There's always something missing...

What I miss most about my home? Oh not much...just the chirping of the busy mornings, the sounds of the vendors on the streets, the buzzing of activity all around..the sparks of conversation which seem to mesh with the background and are one with the harmony of random noises which act like music to the sound-deprived ears...the multitudes of times when the family gathers together for family functions...the colorful ice-cream carts which carry bundles of children's smiles with them...the smell of the earth after the first Monsoon showers... the green-ness of the wet trees...the kids carrying school-bags jumping into the water puddles that form on the road...the multi-colored air of Holi in spring...eating coal-cooked corn on the side of the summery streets...drinking cool coconut water at the park...getting drenched in the downpour of the mid-july rains...tying Rakhi to brothers and cousins while the entire family gathers to spend the day together...making little "jhaankis" depicting Lord Krishna's life on Janamashtmi...waking up early to watch the 15th August speech of the Prime Minister....flying colorful kites and watching the sky fill with the little colorful day-stars hanging in the air swaying around the clear sky..watching the gigantic structure of Ravana burn to ashes on Dusshera...waiting eagerly for the moon to appear on Karva-shauth day...going all around the house lighting little diya-lamps on Diwali and choosing the brightest, most long-lasting and loudest fire crackers on the auspicious occasions..running out as a passing procession of a baraat passes...taking out winter quilts as the air turns chilly in november...having a huge party on Christmas day with family and friends and lots of music and dancing..going for evening walks with the closest friends with clouds of smoke escaping from the mouths as the wintry chill gently wraps itself around us...attending and preparing for the December weddings and dancing and singing through various nights of celebrations...getting mehendi on your hands and then comparing with other excited girls and ladies, comparing whose color is the deepest red...having a bon-fire party on New Year's Eve ending with an uproar as the clock strikes 12 and being with the closest of family and friends as we enter into another new year...watching the 26th January parade and running outside to watch the airforce planes fly over the house..going for picnics in the February mist, with a gentle breeze accompanying you into a pleasant day of pleasure.......

No...i dont miss much...I just miss it all...

Sunday 8 October 2006

Day Dream

A monotonous voice echoed through the class of a hundred something dazed, trying-their-best-to-pay-attention students, who cursed themselves for choosing to attend the friday afternoon class. The sun invitingly shone outside, as if probing the drowsy bunch of people into breaking through the glass doors, into the warmth of the April sun and the freshness of the newly blossomed garden.

The drab voice continued, working as a tranquilizer which sedated the minds of the young bunch. Naina, sitting in the last row, had her head resting on her arms, which were on the desk, and was trying her best not to let her eyes droop. Blinking very often, and drinking water frequently, she vehemently fought the sleep that seemed to creep over her..a poison seeping through the pores of her skin, into her flowing bloodstream, right upto her brain which was already working at a lazy pace. The voice went through her ears, but her brain refused to transfer the data into anything remotely coherent. The voice worked its magic, and the sleep crept up faster.

In this drugged state of mind, the thoughts wandered. Naina found herself in the midst of a dream, seen with open eyes. She contentedly settled for a visual story, which her mind was starting to read out for her. The dream took her back to her room, and she saw herself sleeping peacefully in bed. A soft ray of sunlight was gently touching her face, making her stir. Just as she slowly opened her smiling eyes, her phone rang. She answered, and the smiling eyes became a grinning face, as she heard the voice of the guy she loved at the other end. "Goodmorning Sunshine", he greeted her, which made her heart flutter in excitement. Naina tucked deeper into the covers, feeling the warmth of the quilt, which materialised into the warmth of the voice of the love of her life. They talked, enjoying the playful friendliness with which they addressed each other. After about an hour of a heart-warming conversation, they settled to meet for lunch. She got out of her bed, with a smile on her face, a sprint in her step and a song on her lips.

Into the shower she went, treating herself to a warm comforting shower, while she sang to her heart's desire. Naturally, only the most romantic songs that she'd ever heard came to her head at the moment, as she happily pampered herself. Out of the shower, she took her time to select the perfect outfit, which was a pair of jeans and a black short kurta. Slipping into comfortable heels, Naina strolled downstairs for breakfast, after which she grabbed her purse and strutted outside. As she stepped outside, the morning freshness collided with her, and a whiff of flowery scent reached her. She took a deep breath and set out for a stroll.

After ten minutes of walking, she reached her destination...the public garden. She lush green grounds welcomed her, as she walked through the soft grass to her favourite spot under a huge tree with wide branches. Under the tree, she settled, and took out a romantic novel. As the spring breeze trickled through her tresses, making them sway lightly, she sat in the tranquility of the morning and read to her heart's desire, about another girl's romantic desires. As she reached the happy ending, she sighed with satisfaction and got up to leave.

At a leasurely pace Naina walked to the café by the park, overlooking a little lake. As she reached it, her heart almost skipped a beat as she caught sight of his tall frame standing outside the café, with a tender softness on his pleasant face. As she approached him, he stepped forward and from behind his back, brought out one single long stemmed rose. As she gracefully accepted it, she couldnt help simple happiness from infiltrating every cell of her body. He bent down and swept her into a warm hug, which in an instant gave her the feeling of protection, of security. Then, he took her hand and led her to the table reserved for them, which overlooked the lake. They went through lunch, without ever taking their eyes off each other. All the laughter, the gazing, the uninterrupted talking radiated their love for each other and reeked of a unbreakable bonding.


After lunch, Naina took over as the leader, and gently putting her arm through his, she led him to her favourite spot. The tree became their gracious host and spreads its shade to make a welcoming seclusion for them. They sat together, and moments seem to stand still. Time, which promised to never wait for anyone, seemed to have forgotten to move, as Naina sat, lost to the rest of the world, completely charmed by the presence of the one person in the world who made her feel like she was special...Birds chirped...sounds buzzed...nothing mattered..only him...only him....

"NAINA!"

She was jerked off from her parting dream and looked up to see her friend standing by her. Disoriented for a moment, she lingered through two realities. One which she had created herself, and one which had created her. She looked around and realised that the torturous class of the friday afternoon had ended..but then, so had her dream. She shrugged, smiled at her free-flowing imagination, blamed the humdrum voice of the teacher and walked out of the class with her friend....Continued till the next time, she thought to herself.