Thursday, 16 August 2007

Loner or Private?

I stayed home alone today, much to my desire, to cherish that "me-time" that I so rarely get these days. I absolutely love my extended family and love sitting around them with hours of chat sessions, but then, I also value my space and the time I spent alone...even if that time is wondering where in the blue-blazers the rest of the people are and why am I not being called to attend some college party!!

Anyway, after a month or so of living in a full house with family, 24/7 might I add, the only time alone that one gets is when you convince the rest of them that your staying home alone is as essential as food at a party! My saving factor is the fact that I have exams coming up again in about a month, and technically i'm supposed to be studying! Ok, being less harsh on myself, I really am studying...but heck, a girl needs a break! Thing is, even if i'm home alone getting bored and studying, I'd much rather choose this to being around people and socialising. This queer choice that I happen to be making really makes me think...are we starting to enjoy our space and solidarity so much that we're ready to give up on company as a trade-off? Are we turning into regular loners?

It is an undeniable fact that life has become rather busy and challenging, and socialising is expected out of a regular young person. It's something taken for're just expected to be around, relatives, friends, collegues. Sometimes, there are times when too many people around for too much time starts to get rather overwhelming, if not suffocating...and the simple remedy of having some alone-time is often not a luxury people can choose or afford. But is it so wrong when someone does?

When did u last hear a person say "leave me alone" and people have done just that without either being too concerned or too offended? It has come to the point where being alone has become a treat, like a creamy chocolate cake, asking for it makes you feel guilty and not having it makes u crave for it! In such instances, the only solution that I have been able to figure out is to sugar-coat ( yes..i happen to like sweetness...) the requests for privacy and choose ur words right! Do u think if i'd told my parents that I want to stay home because I need some time to myself away from them, that they'd actually let me stay? Of course not! Even if they would let me stay, i'd have to hear an earful...for eternity!! So I chose the more logical option, studying! This way, I'd feed my ever-so-hungry conscience and get some work done, and also get to stay home alone! Victory was knocking on my privacy-deprived doorstep right when I laid eyes on that Maths book! Of course, right behind that victory, I also felt a gagging sensation at the very sight of intergration, but that's another story...

Then again, what is the line between wanting to stay alone at times and turning into a loner? Recalling another time, I was asked to go to party with a few friends, and I kid you not, I didnt want to go cuz that would involve actually meeting people and socialising! Maybe its just me who's the neurotic case, but how do I explain the difference between me and someone who doesnt want people because he just enjoys his own company? When is it that we cross the line from wanting privacy to only having privacy?

As I've come to realise, socialising isnt that bad, and its not really an obligation or expectation, its society's way of protecting you really. Its the protection that tries to shield people from loneliness and every-man-for-himself behaviour. Its life's way of telling you to just go out and there and let yourself be, and people will absorb you into their lives. Loners may pride their freedom, independence and privacy but they also lack the choice of being otherwise when wanted. The line between wanting me-time and loner is thin yet, its not a frontier, and people are always welcome on either sides. Catch is, there is no-one to recieve you on the latter side!

All said...i'm going back to enjoying my peaceful home...and waiting for people to come back, so I can be around them again! Yes...i'm a living contradiction and I love it!


Anonymous said...

See this is what I mean. Our interests match. I am a loner myself. Its not that I don't like to party but I'd rather spend time with myself and my better half. (hehe that sounded a little weird... dunno why)

Good thing is that wifey is just like me in this department. So we prefer spending time with each other than with everyone else.

But the fact is that we are social animals and we have to socialize. You have excuses right now but when you grow up you will have to do away with excuses. You will have to go to those birthdays and baby showers (gosh I hate those parties) even if you don't want to go.

So enjoy this time of being lonely as much as you can now. When you get married and enter the real social arena of life, you will have only memories to savor...


Neha said...


I can always count on u for commenting and actually reading this junk :P!! U're the bestest!!

Yeah i know...i hate to be forced to be social when i dont want to..but then, I also hate to feel lonely when i dont want a confused soul!

And once home alone :p! Studying of course...cough cough... didnt sound weird at all...quite sweet actually :)!!

TinTin said...

Everybody is lonely.
Welcome to your life.
There is not turning back.

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