Wednesday, 4 November 2009
I feel I owe this space some of my time. I feel like there is a lot that has to be said. I feel like there is a lot that I haven't been writing about, for the sheer reason that it is a lot, and I was at a loss for words. I did not know where to begin, what to say, and what to leave behind. I guess I'll just have to make the best of that and write whatever in this point seems most relevant, even if, over course of the last few months, this has not been the most relevant happening...
Life has a rather strange way of taking turns. Its overwhelming really, how quickly and drastically twists appear, how the road curves, how the paths change, how new destinations are found, how detours are taken, and most importantly, how new fellow travellers are found, and how old ones still accompany us in the quest for that final place...
Its been a little over 2 months now, that I've started my MBA education at the Institute of Management Technology, Dubai. All those months of thoughtlessness, restlessness and aimlessness came to a crashing halt when I stepped foot into the classroom on the first day. I found my aim, I found new people and I found how I wanted these next 2 years to be. Because of the year of nothingness, what I have now is acquired treasure. Every person I talk to, has a story to tell. Every day is a learning process, a new experience. Every class I attend acts like a cure for my rusting mind, and triggers the fire that simmed down for sometime. I can almost feel myself come alive, I thrive in the company of the new people and I strive to revive the spirit that got lost somewhere over the years..
The most relevant factors in my life currently, are my new friends. I'd forgotten just how interesting new friendships are. Just when I start to think that I know how people behave and I understand the nature of different individuals, I'm shaken and stirred, and made to rethink of all those things that I thought were correct. Its quite an humbling experience really, when you realise that your learning process has just touched the chip of the iceberg of understanding, and there's a mountain underneath, still waiting to be explored. People's behaviour, reactions, interactions, beliefs, values, personalities, quirks...they just simply amaze me. I've said this to the very same people enough times, that everyday I feel like an infant taking her first precarious steps to discover the simplicity of walking. It feels like I had forgotten how to take the first steps, and now I'm going back to the basics.
Another very interesting thing that has happened, is a change in my own personality. I sometimes observe myself, a bystander observing a street-show. I see myself as the main player, and yet cannot relate to the person I see. The protagonist in the play is a stranger, someone with overwhelming energy and enthusiasm, with thirst for a life and an unchallenged positivity. I still cannot understand how the observer and the actor could be the same person. I cannot fathom how the bridge between the two people was built and I fail to comprehend the catalysts behind the change. All the sense I can make out of it is that possibly some part of my mind decided that it was enough, and something had to be done, and another part reacted to that, some reaction took place, and the change happened. I think it will take me sometime to get complete clarity, be able to merge the observer and the protagonist completely and to be able to stop doubting the very evident transformation.
That is all that I want to say for now. I'm going to leave, with a song, that is very relevant with my thoughts these days...
Katra katra milti hai,
Katra katra jeene do,
Zindagi hai, zindagi hai,
behne do, behne do,
pyaasi hoon main, pyaasi rehne do..
Halke halke kohre ke dhuen mein,
shayad aasmaan tak aa gayi hoon,
teri do nigaahon ke sahare,
dekho toh kahan tak aa gayi hoon,
kohre mein, behne do,
pyaasi hoon main pyaasi rehne do...
( lyrics by Gulzar)