Message from the skies

My day started off badly today. In Dubai, getting a license is like getting the Philosopher's Stone...eternal bliss. Today, I failed my first attempt at it. Assessment test, not passed. Oh well, a week more, and maybe I'll cross that hurdle. Still, it really isn't such a nice feeling, to be failing at anything, be it a silly road test or any task assigned in life. So, I spent my morning in not the best of moods. If I had to assign the color to my mood, it would be grey. Dark, gloomy, and dull.

With a morning like that, I did not hope for anything to liven up my spirits any time soon. Not even the thought of spending a full 3 days on campus, the one place that brings a smile to my face these days. Its my happy place. Even as I was in the car, on the way to college, a general gloom succumbed me.

Just then, by chance, I look to my left, while crossing the Dubai Creek, where the trees part, to show the open sky. Across the sky, I saw bright colors...Red, Blue, Green..in shape of a big heart. Now, how often does it happen, that you look out of the window and see a big red heart in the sky? I couldn't help but smile...I couldn't help but jump up in glee and point out that red heart to my parents in the front seats. I couldn't help but wonder, why today? Why now, when I felt in the mood that I did, did I get to see a sight like this? Is there a reason? Maybe, maybe not. But it sure felt like the universe conspired to bring back that smile to my face.

As I watched, I realized that the big red heart was part of the Dubai Airshow, which takes place every year, where pilots in air-crafts push their imagination to the limits and literally pain the sky red...

As I watched, the plane went on to draw an arrow through the red heart, cutting across diagonally. Beautifully done.

The heart, faded away. My smile's back. And hope, oh hope, will be there forever.

Its all about Love and Hate

The process of getting to know new people is amazingly intriguing. People are capable of surprising you when you are at your unsuspecting best. This is the time when you're fairly vulnerable and at the same time attempt to be guarded. Its the uncertainty of emotions, of reactions, of assumptions, that make this process so mysteriously appealing.

I have started noticing two main emotions around me. Love and Hate. The reason I use such strong words is because, even if its just the start of these emotions, like seeds, I predict and firmly believe that it takes such a matter of time for these emotions to intensify and justify the names. I'm noticing positivity and negativity all around me, and luckily, the positivity outshines the negativity by a staggering margin.

Small things make my heart warm up these days, or go cold. Like, the brush of a guy's finger, gently against those of the girl he likes. The soft touch, the look in their eyes, the moment they share, the smiles which say everthing, the warmth that they exude, which makes you feel like you're intruding on them by just looking at their harmless smiles. Its love. It makes me smile to look at. It gives me a mushy feeling, and it makes me believe in the magic of love even more.

Then there are the sights which make my heart go cold. Like, walking back home, I witness a girl running, being chased closely by a guy, who tries to get hold of her. He finally grabs her arm, and she stops, and looks back, with tears in her eyes, pushes him away, turns around and walks straight ahead. The guy stands there, the look of helplessness clear on his face, and then yells, out, "Its bye then, please try not to hate me too much." Then he watches her walk away, and slowly, turns and walks in the other direction. I stood there, a little distance from them, and watch them both go in different directions, and become very aware of the fact that I just witnessed a relationship end. Sad, is the only way that moment can be described.

These new emotions are around me all the time, and I'm just savouring them all in my mind. Keeping a collage of memories, of moments, which make up for some interesting thinking, and some much needed perspective to life.

Catching up...

I feel I owe this space some of my time. I feel like there is a lot that has to be said. I feel like there is a lot that I haven't been writing about, for the sheer reason that it is a lot, and I was at a loss for words. I did not know where to begin, what to say, and what to leave behind. I guess I'll just have to make the best of that and write whatever in this point seems most relevant, even if, over course of the last few months, this has not been the most relevant happening...

Life has a rather strange way of taking turns. Its overwhelming really, how quickly and drastically twists appear, how the road curves, how the paths change, how new destinations are found, how detours are taken, and most importantly, how new fellow travellers are found, and how old ones still accompany us in the quest for that final place...

Its been a little over 2 months now, that I've started my MBA education at the Institute of Management Technology, Dubai. All those months of thoughtlessness, restlessness and aimlessness came to a crashing halt when I stepped foot into the classroom on the first day. I found my aim, I found new people and I found how I wanted these next 2 years to be. Because of the year of nothingness, what I have now is acquired treasure. Every person I talk to, has a story to tell. Every day is a learning process, a new experience. Every class I attend acts like a cure for my rusting mind, and triggers the fire that simmed down for sometime. I can almost feel myself come alive, I thrive in the company of the new people and I strive to revive the spirit that got lost somewhere over the years..

The most relevant factors in my life currently, are my new friends. I'd forgotten just how interesting new friendships are. Just when I start to think that I know how people behave and I understand the nature of different individuals, I'm shaken and stirred, and made to rethink of all those things that I thought were correct. Its quite an humbling experience really, when you realise that your learning process has just touched the chip of the iceberg of understanding, and there's a mountain underneath, still waiting to be explored. People's behaviour, reactions, interactions, beliefs, values, personalities, quirks...they just simply amaze me. I've said this to the very same people enough times, that everyday I feel like an infant taking her first precarious steps to discover the simplicity of walking. It feels like I had forgotten how to take the first steps, and now I'm going back to the basics.

Another very interesting thing that has happened, is a change in my own personality. I sometimes observe myself, a bystander observing a street-show. I see myself as the main player, and yet cannot relate to the person I see. The protagonist in the play is a stranger, someone with overwhelming energy and enthusiasm, with thirst for a life and an unchallenged positivity. I still cannot understand how the observer and the actor could be the same person. I cannot fathom how the bridge between the two people was built and I fail to comprehend the catalysts behind the change. All the sense I can make out of it is that possibly some part of my mind decided that it was enough, and something had to be done, and another part reacted to that, some reaction took place, and the change happened. I think it will take me sometime to get complete clarity, be able to merge the observer and the protagonist completely and to be able to stop doubting the very evident transformation.

That is all that I want to say for now. I'm going to leave, with a song, that is very relevant with my thoughts these days...

Katra katra milti hai,

Katra katra jeene do,

Zindagi hai, zindagi hai,

behne do, behne do,

pyaasi hoon main, pyaasi rehne do..

Halke halke kohre ke dhuen mein,

shayad aasmaan tak aa gayi hoon,

teri do nigaahon ke sahare,

dekho toh kahan tak aa gayi hoon,

kohre mein, behne do,

pyaasi hoon main pyaasi rehne do...

( lyrics by Gulzar)