Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Some thoughts, Some emotions..

I've suddenly gotten a lot of time on my hands. Its probably because my semester has ended, the exams are finally over and because all my friends have gone back to their homes to be with their families over winter break. As a result of which, I actually have time for stuff like, gasp, reading! And, bigger gasp, thinking. You know, just sit on a couch, and look out of the window, admire the blue sky spotted with clouds, enjoy the cool breeze and just let the mind wander. Its a good practice, I recommend it.

Topics swarm in and out of my idle mind, but the one that remains constant is the most relevant one, the one of the people I have recently encountered and am just beginning to understand. Slowly, layers have started to come off (please control your twisted minds, I talk of layers symbolically). It is a very exciting time, getting to know about people and their lives and understanding how and why they are what they are presently. Its interesting, to say the least, to listen to unheard stories about families and funny stories about crazy stuff done with friends. Its enlightening to know about the turning points in people's lives, and getting to know how choices were made, how decisions were made, how mistakes happened and how solutions found their way to change lives.

These last 4 months have been going on a fast motion mode. Everything has been happening quickly, with high intensity and extreme action. Feelings, emotions, moods...have all just accelerated, sometimes with disastrous effects. In these 4 months, I've felt more emotionally alert and vulnerable than in the entire year before that. I attribute this to the fact that I've met so many new people in such a short span of time, and have spent so much time with them, in high pressure conditions. Even Chemistry taught us, with increased pressure and heat, chemical reactions become quicker. Similarly, in such a high strung environment, with little time for everything, all these feelings just had to materialize in a small time frame.

Its rather overwhelming to realise that the friendships I've made in these few months, feel so strong, so deep, so promising. It scares me sometimes, to realise that I feel so strongly about people I've known for only 4 months. It terrifies me even more that this acceleration of emotions will hurt me in the long run, that these new friendships will not be what they seem, and the trust that I have placed on them with so much faith, will be broken. I fear that the bonds that seem so unbreakable now, will not stand the test of time, and the strings with which they are tied will give way. I'm a fool perhaps, to get so emotionally attached so soon, but is it not foolish to not let myself experience the warm of these emotions just because of fear? I know that I haven't learnt the art of Self Preservation, but will I not be giving up on a lot of these emotions if I were to turn cold? True, I'll be protected from a lot of pain, agony and mental trauma, but will that not be at the cost of a lot of happiness, warmth, love, affection? It is a trade-off really, and I choose to give my heart out, for those friendships, for that acceptance, for that love...


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