Wilted Times

I was watching the news the other day, and something that a news reader said really caught my attention. She was reporting the recent blast in Ahmedabad, which left 1 person dead, and having a conversation with a reporter on site. She asked, "So what do you think, was it just another terrorist attack, a crude bomb accident or a mere cylinder burst?". Hmmm. Just another terrorist attack. The casual tone with which this was said left me zapped. Is this what we've come to? Are terrorist attacks such a common fact of life that we're discussing them like we'd talk about the proceedings of a reality show? Is it so common for people to die in these frequent acts of violence, that their deaths are just reduced to being statistics on a news bulletin? I'm disgusted and appalled.

In the last one week itself, I have seen news about 4 bomb blasts in 3 different cities in India. First Delhi, then Ahmedabad, then Delhi again and yesterday, I freshly heard about blasts in Malegaon, Maharashtra. Is this what our future looks like? Are the bomb blast stories going to be so common that they won't even make it to the headlines? Is there going to be a page in the newspaper titled, "Terrorist attacks of the Day"? I don't think we're far from that situation at all. Terror strikes are so common now, people who hear about a bomb in my city, don't even bother to ask anymore, if anyone I know is affected. What's the point? How many times are they going to ask the same question? All we can do now is, to pray and hope that we're not personally affected by any of these attacks. But I'm sure, that day is not far, when each of us will be personally and directly be affected by these terror strikes. What then? Is that going to be the last limit? Is that going to be enough for these terrorists?

I don't fall into the category of the weak-hearted do-gooder. I'm not entirely all-truist and don't go out of my way to do extraordinary good deeds for people. I don't weep in movies, I don't look at the poor and tear up, I don't help the disabled, I don't pray for victims of the blasts, I don't volunteer at hospitals, I've never donated blood, I've never educated a child. In short, I'm not the kind of person who cries at a stranger's pain. But today, I ache. My heart is in pain and my mind is in agony. So much pain, so much suffering...what for? I'm seeking a reason...I'm looking for a motive...I want to know why?

I don't get it. Maybe I'm too fickle or too soft, but I just don't get it. What is a good enough reason to take innocent lives? What cause can be so big, that the common man needs to die for it? What do people get out of defacing someone for life? What good can come off killing someone's brother, sister, father, mother, husband, wife, friend, companion? What kind of a heart does a person need to have to drop off a device that would, in an instant, change or end the lives of hundreds? I only have questions, the answers evade me.

These are the only words that come to me right now...

Changing times, rocky souls,
crimson, black, grey and finally white,
flooding eyes, broken hearts,
burnt dreams, and shredded homes.
Fearful lives, hateful deeds,
mourning mothers, early deaths,
panic stricken hands, detached limbs,
lost loves and tearful goodbyes.
Flickering hope, damaged faith,
the reasons still buried deep,
man hates another, another hates too,
The end lost, the light now dimmed...

A post about nothing really...

I just discovered that my Dad found my blog...uh oh! Apparently he went and searched on google and found it. So all my secrecy simply went down the drain. Well, at least there's nothing that he doesn't already know about. Its not as if I'm confessing some crime, or declaring my love for someone. I literally have no secrets. How boring is THAT! Now more than ever, I realise that I write about absolutely nothing. Not complaining, just an observation. If I sit down and try to point out what I write about, there's not one particular theme or topic that I'd be able to put my finger on. Well, I suppose there's a lot to say even when there's nothing really to talk about.

So, I'm officially done with university for now and doing nothing all day. Its not like I never did anything before, its just that I can be guilt-free about it now. For all those telling me I'm aimless and wiling away my time, I again want to tell them, uh hello, I'm on a holiday after grueling for 3 long years. It's been barely a week since I got back, and I really don't think its such a LONG time for me to be worried about what'll happen with my life. I'm choosing this, and if anyone has a problem with that, well, I'm sorry for you, but I'm not going out of my way to prove my worth to you. I'm not a bum, and not irresponsible, and when I feel it's the right time, I'll start again. For now, lay off and let me chill, ok?

On a lighter and more exciting note, I got a new iPod Touch!! For all those who have questioned it, hold your tongue people, its Fantabuliscious!! One of the best gadgets I've ever owned and I really don't give a flying fuck (Umm, dad if you're reading this, sorry for the lingo!) if it gets outdated in a year, or if there's an updated model in the market within 3 months. I have this awesome thing in my hand, and I will not trade it till it breathes its last breath! Its easy to use, its great in terms of appearance and utility, the sound quality is stupendous and most importantly, it's so slick to hold and carry around! I know I know, again I'm sounding like a ditzy airhead, but seriously, this thing just makes you feel all cool! It's every penny ( or cent or fil or paisa) worth its price and all those critics and cynics can buzz off...I have an iPod Touch!!!!

Next step, making friends! So far, the only people i've had any interaction with apart from my family are my housemaids, the grocery delivery man, the laundry man, the electrician, the check out girl at the supermarket, my parents' friends, my uncle's friends, my dad's driver....well you get the picture! Dubai seems to be devoid of any young activity, or so I feel right now, since I dont quite know how to get around and find people my age. I guess I'll find a short-term job, a good way to meet people who're not older, hired or selling me stuff!

Anyway, more later peeps! All those people still reading my blog, kudos to you for bearing with the accounts of my mundane existence. I promise to write about something more interesting, when something more interesting happens in my life! Hopefully that'll be soon, excitement's never too far away from me, and that's not Always a good thing!

Till then, Ciao ciao!

The end of a road...

I've been away a fortnight and it seems like forever. When I look back on the last 15 days, I can only marvel at how so many things can change in so little time, and how other things will never change no matter how much time passes. I did not have much time to just sit and think in these days, but upon retrospection, I remain amazed at how much I can think about.

When I left from here, to wrap up my life, I was filled with fear and apphrehension. I was unsure about everything, and insecure about the future. There was just one little milestone to cross, which seemed miles away from where I was standing. From that point, the destination seemed so close, and yet so intangible. A mirage formed in front of me, of somewhere I wanted to be, but didn't know whether it was a real place or not. I did the only thing I could, I walked on.

A little further down the road, I met with obstacles, which I did my best to tackle. I was knocked over a couple of times, but my people held their hands out to me and pulled me back up. As I struggled through the rocks on the road, people kept giving me the tools to be able to break them. At one point, I almost gave up and sat on the side of the road, with tears in my eyes and helpness in my mind. I thought of dropping everything right there, and slowly turn around and make my way back from where I started, and look for an easier and shorter road, with lesser obstacles. As I turned around, a strong pair of arms caught hold of my shoulders and held firm. They made me stop and gave me the reassurance that my milestone is just beyond this last rock, and I need to go on, and not turn around at this point. The Person held my hand and walked me to the rock and handed me the tools, and told me I only had to look back and he'd be right behind me. I had to go on, just had to go on. So I did, I went on.

After a few more blows, that obstacle was beat too, and I found myself right in front of my milestone. It wasn't a mirage, it was solid and tangible. I took two more steps, and reached out and touched it. A wave of elation surged through me as I caressed the milestone. A looked around, and My People were there, right behind me, smiling with me, happy for me. They held my shaking body, and felt the worries being released from me. I could see the happiness in their eyes, I could sense the sincerity in their smile. In that moment, I felt the same fuzzy warmth in my chest, and I knew I'd just felt the first air of achievement. I had achieved, and I had My People to share this moment with. Bliss, pure bliss.

I'm back here now, after accomplishing my last task. I'm happy to have completed what I once started, no matter how much I had to tackle and dodge, I'm glad it's behind me now. My People are always there with me, and I'm sure of this more than ever now. There will be more boulders and rocks and stones in my way, but I know, whenever I look back, My People will be there to tell me I can go on, and I will go on.

Though here at journey's end I lie
In darkness buried deep,
Beyond all towers strong and high,
Beyond all mountains steep,
Above all shadows rides the Sun
And Stars for ever dwell:
I will not say the Day is done,
Nor bid the Stars farewell.

J.R.R Tolkein

Bliss

Bliss is sitting in a coffee shop with friends and laughing hysterically over just about anything.
Bliss is not worrying about anything to do or anywhere to go.
Bliss is forgetting the umbrella at home, and it actually turns out to be a sunny day.
Bliss is eating food that you love, with friends that you love.
Bliss is knowing that your hard-work will eventually pay off.
Bliss is being able to wake up early in the morning and actually not be sleepy anymore.
Bliss is to breathe the fresh morning air, as you see the sun rise.
Bliss is to have home cooked hot meals cooked with affection and served with love.
Bliss is to be back in a place which is so familiar that you feel like you never left at all.
Bliss is to have your trip extended by chance, when you really wanted to stay longer.
Bliss is to meet people after a very long time and feel like no time has passed at all.
Bliss is dress in a hurry and find out that you don't look so bad after all.
Bliss is knowing that you have a long holiday awaiting you.
Bliss is having nothing to write about and yet find a lot to say once you start.
Bliss is eating chocolate cake.
Bliss is meeting deadlines without last-minute panic.
Bliss is seeing the look on people's faces when they like the present that you gifted them.
Bliss is to feel a general contentment for no obvious reason at all.

Bliss is life, Life is Bliss.

One of those moments...

It was one of those moments that make you smile.

I was with my family, the entire jing-bang, having dinner at a chinese restaurant in Dubai. Known for the otherwise tranquil atmosphere, Chopsticks, this night was stirred with noise. The table next to ours was occupied by a party of around 25 people, all celebrating and creating a royal rucous. There were only these 2 tables eating at the restaurant that week night. Since usually we're the most noisy table in radius of 10 meters, it was unusual to find some other group making more sound than us. Rather, its unusual for us to be able to hear any other people over our own noise. A table more noisy than ours, gasp! We gave our share of dirty looks, and taking advantage of speaking a language that the other table wouldn't understand, or hear in this case, we indulged in verbal bashing. How improper to be so rowdy, and make so much noise. Hmph. Of course, forgetting how we usually are. After all, who likes competition?

So anyway, after an hour or so of pure hostile looks being sent in the direction of the other table, we were done eating and ready to go. Just as the last of the hakka noodles and the stir fried veggies were being polished off, from the corner of my roaming eye, I noticed a guy standing at the next table, with a bunch of flowers in his hands. Curiosity bubbling, I looked on.

His friends seem to egg him on to do something, which I got a hint off, but wasn't sure. He stood meekly, with white flowers, and seemed hesistant. From his face, I could tell that he was mentally preparing himself for some herculian task, something which he seemed to be mustering up a lot of courage for. He walked around the table, as his friends moved their chairs to make way for him. He came and stood next to a girl, and by this time I was sure of what his intentions were. The loudness grew and the cheering started as the others around the table realised what he was doing. The girl too must have realised, because she erupted in a hysteric fit of giggles. She turned towards another girl next to her, and giggled uncontrollably. Meanwhile, the poor lad stood there, clearing his throat, pleading for silence.

Soon, after a lot of hoots and whistles, they silenced each other. The room went quiet ( the rest of my table had also stopped talking and turned to look), except for the giggles of the girl. Then, the guy bent over on one knee, and rose the flowers in his hands. He chose a time when the girl had momentarily stopped giggling, to ask in his very soft voice, "Will you marry me?"

As he asked, of course cheers went up around the table, and clapping and screaming and hooting. Unconsciously, I found myself cheering along with them. In fact, many of them turned to look at what I had to celebrate, only to see that I was self-inviting myself to their excitement. I just wanted to root for this guy, who seemed so sincere and so sweet! So then, a loud chant of "yes yes yes yes" went around, as the friends wanted to hear the girl's reply. At last, after a lot of jumping around excitedly, giggling uncontrollably and being red in the face, the girl replied, "yes, I will"

I don't know why, in that moment, I genuinely felt a warm fuzzy feeling inside me. All the irritation and annoyance I had felt earlier disappeared, as I joined in the noise to cheer the couple. It felt nice to see good things happening to other people. It felt nice to see a young pair getting on in life. And most of all, it felt nice to see that oh-so-doubted feeling of love so opening declared for someone.

I left with a wide grin on my face, and sincere hope for those strangers to be happy together :).