Thursday, 3 May 2007

Just a weak moment...

I just recently watched the popular TV show, "Sex and the City" for the first time. Like so many other girls like me, I can sooooo totally relate to the lives of those women! I'm neither smart, sexy nor successful, and yet there's something about their lives which is in every single girl out there! Anyway...on this totally random beginning, I'd just like to write my heart out, like Carrie Bradshaw in the show...and pour out my random thoughts on random topics....

I was just sitting alone with nothing to do and thought of calling some of my friends. I love them all and have nothing against anyone at all ( yeah..I'm pretty nice that way...), but still at times you cant help but feel...huh..everyone is actually busy with their lives. Its like, there's no better way to be made aware of the fact that you're single than by calling friends in times of boredom! Ever feel like an intruder in someone's territory? Well...I feel like that every time I call my friends and they're with their boyfriends or girlfriends. I don't think there's any way to write this without sounding totally desperate, sad and lame..but heck...I don't feel any better right now! Even if that close friend of mine pretends to want to talk to me at that moment, I almost feel like I'm butting in when I'm totally not supposed to. Its like, when they're with their "partners" lets say, I stand out like a stranger with no right or business with any of them. Even as I write this I'm thinking in my head...why the hell are u even thinking this way? Its such a non-issue!! However, sounding even more pathetic...I'd say I feel rather...no abandoned isn't the word, cuz that would imply they do it on purpose...I'd say its more like alienated... Its of no fault of anyone, its just how I feel...

Ok anyone reading this is probably thinking...gosh, this girl needs to get a life or a boyfriend really soon! But u know..thats not the issue. I'm not at a point of my life when I need to be with someone. Not to sound like I'm defending myself or anything, but I really and honestly don't mind being single at the moment ( Hey you! Stop rolling ur eyes! :P). Anyway, seriously, the issue here is that in these very busy city lives, I guess we all end up sort of compartmentalizing our lives. Its quite a subconscious move, but I've noticed it often enough, that we sort of create different compartments in our lives for different people and different moments. I mean, how many of us even know the names of half of the other friends our best friends have? As the saying goes, even your best friend has other best friends...So I guess what I'm trying to say is, we live a rather segmented life, maybe to keep things simple and hassle-free, or maybe its just easier to let things be the way they are. As is human nature, any sorta of change or meshing of one part of our lives with the other, leaves a slightly unsettling feeling...we've all felt it, the degrees of emotion may vary.

I don't quite know what triggered off all this writing..but whatever it was, I guess it was for the best. It always feels better to have my thoughts out in the open :). Maybe it was just sheer boredom and the unwillingness to do anything worthwhile. Or maybe.. oh wait..i don't want ALL my thoughts out in the open :p! Well whatever, its just a phase I know...tomorrow its all gonna be alright..my friends love me and I know that, and they'd always be there for me....just a weak moment I guess....

1 comment:

Munir said...

Well well... Neha... you just think too much for our age. When you say that others will roll out their eyes and say 'go get a life'... you are not really off the mark. Do I sound harsh? May be yeah. But honestly speaking, don't give your mind time to think stuff like this. It is not worth it.

Now you are right that life is 'compartmentalized'. You wrote this in one of those 'empty compartments' when you don't know how to fill it up. Well you decided to fill it up by thinking and writing this. Was this the best way to fill up that empty compartment!? I doubt it. You should have gone and read a book or watch a movie or at best get on your bicycle and go for a ride. Go explore many things in the world that you may never be able to do in future. You definitely do not need a 'partner' for that, do you?

To be honest, you are lucky that you are able to find this empty compartment once in a while. Ask those who have so much to do that the compartment size is not enough and there is no way to increase the size. You will be at that point sometime as well. But as of now you have some room there so fill it up with something you really love and like. You may never get this opportunity again and may regret in future that you misused that free compartment space...