Its almost tradition.
During every single exam session, I turn almost instinctively to my beloved blog, where I've poured my woes and troubles and some cheer. From the time I started writing here, exam times have inspired the deepest thoughts, the most random observations and the most dedicated writing. Perhaps, it has something to do with my uncontrollable urge to procrastinate, which makes my creative juices ooze out of my free-flowing veins, and words swoon out, like the notes of a classical melody. I come here again, to escape from the dreaded academic textbooks, from the looming doom of an impending exam, from the lack of sheer motivation and from the guilt which devours my every moment. I come here, for refuge, for creativity, to save my mind from the rusting clutches of theories and dull rules. I come here, to escape, from the wandering thoughts, which get energized due to the drab nature of the books. I come here, to do what I love.
Over the course of last month, I have been forced to do a lot of thinking, about people, about friendship, about how I value people, and how much they value me. And the end of all that thinking I came to the conclusion that....To Hell With It! All my thinking does is make me trapped and sunk deeper and deeper into my own thoughts, my own inhibitions, my own insecurities. My mom has on occasion said to me, that I take life too seriously. Now, after years and years of thinking and pondering and sighing and not really reaching to any solid conclusion, I realize that she is absolutely right. I do take life too seriously, and in the process, miss out on all the less-serious aspects of it. Heck, I'm 23 in a week (couldn't help slipping the subtle hint about the nearness of my birthday :P) and all I think about or write about is life, people, relationships, etc etc. Good lord N, Chuck it!
So, on the brink of my 23rd birthday, I vow to myself, that I need to stop taking myself and my life so seriously. What will come, will come. What will happen, will happen. People who will stay, will stay, and those who won't, well its their loss. All the time and energy that I spend in making people stay, is so wasted, I realize, since the ones who're worth keeping, will stay without all the drama or the effort. They will stay because they want to, they will stay because they need to, they will stay because they know, that wherever they go, they will eventually come back. And if they leave, and do come back, that will be my only vindication for the pain, the tears, the heartache.
And the insanity? the craziness? the quirks? Well, they'll remain a part of me. Where's the fun in sanity anyway? ;)
