I love to write. I hate to read what I write.
Over the years I've come to realize that my most powerful writing has been during times when I felt low and demoralized. Its during those times when I open my heart and pour it through my fingers into this blog. As a result of which, the most negative thoughts, the most cynical thoughts get written about. I'd like to believe that there is more to my thoughts than negativity, that there is more to me than lamenting, that I believe in more than just the ultimate doom. I'd like to believe that even those tough times have not made me into a pessimist and that there is still some bright thought left in me. I'd like to believe...
I just went back and read the posts I'd written a year back, around the same time this year. I astonish myself, and that's not only because I can write such dark stuff, its because at some point in my life I have actually thought that way. And to be very honest, there are times when I still do. Not much has changed about those bad times. The thoughts, the insecurities, the feelings...its all the same. What has changed however, is that I realise that its a phase. I also realise that I'm probably saying all this right now when my frame of mind is sane and optimistic, but I want to believe that somewhere deep down, I always know that its just a phase, and it will pass again. I want to believe that I'm better than my worst thoughts. I want make myself believe that there is still some positivity left in me.
