Reminiscing again...

It has been a while now, but why does it feel like time has stopped and I’ve entered a vacuum? A phase of my life has ended, and I keep repeating this to myself, trying to live a new life, with new goals to look forward to, new people to meet. But what do I do with what I’ve left behind? Those memories that haunt me day in and day out refuse to leave, and I’m tired of battling with them. The spirits of my past cling on to my already troubled brain and have engraved themselves in the emptiness of my life.

Today, of all the days, I want to be where I was once happy. It’s my best friend’s birthday today. At every special occasion, since we’ve known each other, we’ve been together, with all our other friends and shared our joys. We’ve laughed till we cried, and talked till the wee hours of the morning. We’re taken pictures, which now remind me of the times we had, and wrote cards which brings smiles to my deprived eyes even now. It’s his birthday today, and I cannot be there to give him a hug and tell him that I’m going to love him more each year and be there for him whenever he needs me.

I miss going shopping with the others for his birthday present, and spend hours trying to figure out what he would like. I miss walking around Milan, going to each and every store worth its name to find the perfect gift, for my perfect best friend. I miss the planning and the excitement, I miss being a part of all the buzz. I miss being physically present for all the occasions when my friends meet up and relive the good ol’ times. I miss seeing the look on someone’s face, when they open they open their birthday presents. I miss the toasting, for someone’s good health. I miss the birthday cakes, the candles, the decoration, the games. I miss it all, and so much more.
I can only send my wishes across, and hope that, sometime in the future, we’ll be together again, to be a part of each other’s lives.

Happy Birthday A!

Holding On

Slowly the lights dim, but surely,
Slowly the fire flickers, to extinguish,
Slowly distances grow, move away,
Slowly the fog thickens, solidifies.

Soon the mist will fall, blinding,
Soon the picture will fade, to nothing,
Soon the tears will dry, numbess,
Soon the smiles will forget, the reasons.

One day the memory will fail, some day,
One day the heart will stop, to ache,
One day the roads will diverge, separate,
One day the trails will disappear, new paths.

Then we will reminisce, sometimes,
Then we will wonder, where all went,
Then we will let the tears fall, for loss,
Then we will try to hold on, for the last spark.

So now is the time to fuel, the flickering fire,
Now the bridges must be built, to meet ends,
Now there must be new paint, on fading pictures,
And now is when I hold on, reach out, to my people.